Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
