Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
