He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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