Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
