My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
