Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
