I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
