Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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