Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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