They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
