just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
