i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
