tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
