my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
