The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
