You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
