I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
