Jerry, you need to find god
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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