we're blogging at a bar
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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