You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize