Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
