I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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