he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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