ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
