She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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