he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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