i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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