I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
