Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
