why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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