Got a toothbrush?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
