They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
