You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
