that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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