no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
