Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
