Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
