I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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