And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
