Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is it penis luge time yet?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
