Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
