I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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