I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
