I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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