wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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