Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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