In the future we'll all be gay
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
