My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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