so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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