Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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