Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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