Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
