I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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