Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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