so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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