I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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