Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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