if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize