I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
