He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
