what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
