I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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